Take #24: Bajirao Mastani

A couple of people reminded me that I need to write this review: to be honest, the reason this is late is that I was quite lost as to what to write.

Oh, don't mistake me - I liked the film, but I would put it largely in the time-pass genre, only a notch or two above "Ram-Leela"- and that is undoubtedly not the rank that Sanjay Leela Bhansali would want from his pet project.

The scale was lavish, the detailing splendid, as we have come to expect from SLB. The music wasn't half bad, but the tunes were out of my head by the time I reached home. As regards the story, I cannot comment on historical accuracy, since our history books did not devote much more than a couple of pages to the Peshwas - and that space was devoted to their lives, not their loves. What was somewhat disappointing (for me, at 

least) in the film, were the lead performances.

Raṇveer was larger than life, as always, and has clearly put his soul into this role. He will always be one of the better actors we have today - but the manner in which he essayed the role of Baji Rao was simply not convincing enough. Deepika's transition from warrior princess to poignant paramour was extraordinary, but the fact was that she didn't have too much to do, particularly in the second half. Priyanka was soft and soulful, but she has done better.

I shall remember this film for Tanvi Azmi, whose quietly menacing performance was the biggest takeaway from the two and a half hours of screen time. This movie will most likely manage a couple of awards, I can only hope that she makes it to the list.

His magnum opus, yes; his dream project, we're told; but Bajirao Mastani cannot be Sanjay Leela Bhansali's piece de resistance - he is way too talented for that.

Do watch it, though. You may not agree with much of what I've written.

En Passant #3: A Bullet in a China Shop

Considering the number of elephants, deer and other sundry animals that are decimated

on railway tracks around the country every month, a bullet train on the ahmedabad-mumbai route can politely be referred to as an idea way ahead of its time.

And perish the thought that a dedicated, closed corridor will do the job: the Indian shortcut, like water, finds its own level, and I'm pretty certain the line would eventually be breached at various points. Stop to consider the fact that a train accident at 250 kmph is likely to leave, shall we say, a far more indelible impression than one at 110 kmph.

If we must borrow world-beating ideas -and execution capability- from the Japanese (or the Chinese), I think we should start with affordable vertical housing - or something. I don't think this country is ready for the bullet train just yet. Strictly my personal opinion.

Tobackoff #9: Won'tpower

Why is 5 years such a magical number for everyone ? Except for the seven-year-itch and the seven years of bad luck on breaking a mirror (and, if you like, the saat pheras when you get married), everyone talks in terms of 5 years.

That’s why I was made to believe that it would be a remarkable achievement indeed if I could stay away from cigarettes for five years.

Well, that “landmark” is now behind me : on 28 November 2015, I finished 5 years of of successfully having kicked the butt.

 And I know today what I have known for the past 5 years - that it's a habit that you can really go back to at any time : because you see, you are just telling yourself every day that you choose not to smoke. In other words, staying away from smoking isn’t about willpower – it’s about won’tpower. That's how you can keep your resolve steely and remain smoke-free.

Hopefully, I can bring in a tenth anniversary too. I'll drink to that (there are other bad habits to fall back on !).

En Passant #2 : The House of Rhythm

I visited Rhythm House today after a very long time.

Imagine my surprise when I saw this large rack of vinyl LP's, all imported, including such gems as "The Doors-Absolutely Live" (you can spot it in the picture). All the records were retailing at around Rs 4k, and there was even a stack of Denon turntables behind this rack.

This shop, virtually an institution, is closing down in February 2016, after nearly 70 years. All over the shop, there are big signs screaming "SALE-upto 50% off". Everywhere in the shop there were nostalgic buyers: one of them even came up to me and said, "It's really very sad. I used to come here after college and listen to music in the booths." I twinkled at the septuagenarian and said "So did I! "

I hope to go back at least once more before the shop shuts down.

However cliched this may sound, it needs to be said: thank you for the music, Rhythm House.

Take #23: Tamasha

After 'Love Aaj Kal', 'Jab We Met' and, most recently, 'Highway', we have come to expect two things from Imtiaz Ali: offbeat love stories, and a leisurely exploration of angst and the inner demons. And with this film, once again, he does not disappoint on either count.

Corsica, France. Rich girl meets hamster boy, stuck in a treadmill of his father's choosing. Much melodious music later, they part company, only to meet again four years on. But the hamster is still on the treadmill - and he actually bites! What happens thereafter comprises the absorbing second half of the story.

A gorgeous Deepika Padukone blends into the French Mediterranean as if she were born there. Ranbir puts in a compelling performance as the mediocre engineer leading a double life - one inside him, and the other on the outside. A R Rahman's music wasn't to the standard we've come to expect from him, though it was adequate enough.

This is a narrative narrated by storytellers, with numerous flashbacks and visual metaphors, and is not a script that everyone is going to like. I found it very different, and very refreshing, although Imtiaz Ali came perilously close to losing the plot once or twice.

I have a feeling this movie is going to run. There is nothing else in the way at the moment, and there are enough crowd-pleasers in the film to mollify the hedonistic

Take #22: SPECTRE

What probably happened was that, after the Mission Impossible and Transporter franchises caught the public's imagination, Barbara Broccoli hemmed and hawed and concluded that there was too much competition, so the Bond films needed a complete makeover.

So, just one girl at a time, not a bevy of brilliant bikini bimbettes; a look at Bond the man, rather than Bond the spy; Oscar-quality cinematography rather than merely exotic locales; anti-villains cast in villain roles - more avuncular than menacing; male singers doing the theme songs; dark, stark and broody rather than light and entertaining.

And 146 minutes long as against the standard fare of 90-120.

Sam Mendes is undoubtedly a gifted director, but getting him to do two Bond films is like asking Spielberg to do remakes of Hotel Transylvania and Kung Fu Panda. A clear case of overkill.

No thanks, Barbara. Spectre was more of an Apparition. We don't want Bond hobnobbing with Moneypenny at his house or facing bad guys whom he addressed as Uncle in his youth. We'd like the punchy one-liners back, please, along with bright sunlight and beaches and less shadows and more chases and the usual mad schemer's plot for world domination. We also want more of the nutty sidekicks like Jaws and Odd Job. And yes, we quite liked the cats.

But we're good with both Ralph Fiennes as M and Naomi Harris as Moneypenny. And the women among us are, of course, really, REALLY good with Daniel Craig in his third essay as Bond, but I fancy the men preferred Roger Moore.

Be that as it may - I'm a James Bond fan, so I went ahead and saw this movie, just as I'll see the next one. But I feel I should caution you that watching a new James Bond film is now a habit that could become very easy to break.

And oh, about that kiss: don't blink; you'll miss it.

Take #21: Crimson Peak

After "Zero Dark Thirty", "Mama" and now "Crimson Peak", I can now say with conviction that I am a Jessica Chastain fan.

This was a subtle film, with a number of chilling moments but not really of the horror genre; a film made with incredible finesse, a tribute to both the storytelling as well as the directorial skills of Guillermo del Torro.


Jessica was pure gold in her role of pure evil.


There were just 15 people in the theatre, which was unjust: but then, it is true that there are not many people who will be able to sit through a story such as this.

Take #20: Bridge of Spies

Now in its fourth week, this movie simply refuses to go away from the theatres - and there are two cogent reasons why it shouldn't : Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks.

This absorbing and moving Cold War-era movie, brilliantly directed by Steven Spielberg, tells the story of an insurance lawyer-turned-negotiator (Tom Hanks in a masterfully subtle performance) who arranges a prisoner swap with a few initiatives of his own.

The cinematography is stark and haunting and the growing affinity between Hanks and the phlegmatic prisoner under his charge (a deft performance by Mark Rylance) is beautifully developed.


I haven't read anything about why this film was named the way it was - true, the final exchange takes place on a bridge, and yes, they are indeed spies, but I somehow felt that there was an oblique reference to the "Bridge of Sighs", that little bridge linking two buildings in Venice, one with the interrogation room and the other with the prison block.

Be that as it may, this is an unusual film, and deserves to be seen. If you miss it on the large screen, get hold of the DVD: you won't regret it. An absolute must for Steven Spielberg and tom Hanks fans, in any case.

Take #19: Prem Ratan Dhan Payo

After quite a while, we have another F5 (feelgood factor formula family film) from the Sooraj Barjatya stable. 

And it's not all that bad, really; there are way too many songs, true, but Himesh Reshammiya has done a fairly competent job with the music, and all the songs are short enough so that your patience occasionally strains, but does not snap. For the Bhai brigade, Salman is present in duplicate, and moreover, delivers two perfectly credible performances. Sonam has always been a princess, which came in handy for this film as all she had to do was look glossy. The villainy portions of the film are largely like Tabasco on the table when McD's is served - you can take it or leave it, won't matter either way. The sets, the locales and the cinematography were excellent in parts.

The movie hall, a large one, was completely full, and I think I spotted grandfathers as well as grandchildren - which covers the spectrum of the Rajshri Productions target audience.

In all, a spectacular comeback for Sooraj, a very rewarding year indeed for Salman and a much-needed hit (for hit this is certainly going to be) for Sonam's cinematic bio. The only unhappy segment is likely to be the tomb of Anthony Hope, the author of "The Prisoner of Zenda", on which this story is based - but then, Bollywood wasn't even born in his day.

I had no expectations from this 174-minute film, so I came away quite pleased. I think you might actually feel the same way, if you do see it. Let me know !

Take #18: The Intern

This is a movie that will bring a smile to your lips in the first five minutes- a smile that will thereafter stay on for the next two hours. 

Watch it also for effortless performances from two of the finest actors of their respective generations. 

A simple story, simply told, with great chemistry between the lead pair, it's not surprising to figure out why this is still running to packed houses in week 2. 

For its feel-good factor, this is a movie you'll want to see.

On a different note - I'd rather like to see this film remade by Balki with Amitabh Bachchan as the intern and Anushka Sharma as the entrepreneur.

Take #17: The Martian

Another eminently watchable film from Ridley Scott, what makes this one special is that it is heart-warming and entirely believable, in spite of its extra-terrestrial setting. 

One man's determined struggle to survive against seemingly insurmountable odds ("the truth is that space does not cooperate"), Matt Damon has essayed the role with dry humour and an always-there vulnerability that draws you in and lets you go only when the end-credits roll. 

Jessica Chastain, Sean Bean, Kate Mara and others provide excellent support - and the Mars landscape is far more credible than that shown in "Interstellar". 

There will, I suppose, be the inevitable comparisons with "Gravity", but my vote is with this one. 

Also - I have it on excellent authority that the book by Andy Weir, on which this film is based, is absolutely brilliant : I now have no doubt about that, and can't wait to read it.

Take #16: Pawn Sacrifice

Now, this was a lovely weekend surprise.


Even if (like me) you don't play chess, don't follow the game and know very little about Bobby Fischer, you can't fail to enjoy this crisp little biopic.


Toby Maguire was a revelation - I disliked him intensely as Spider Man, but it is unthinkable to imagine this film without him. Liev Schreiber, the bad guy from "Salt" was, in his role of Boris Spassky, a most effective counterpoint - even though he had barely any lines to say.


Catchy retro music, 1960's automobiles and interspersed frames of black and white (including real news footage) only add to the experience; an excellent supporting performance from Peter Sarsgärd and unexpected moments of humour are the other bonuses.


If you're at a loose end this weekend, this one is a better filler than most !

Take #15 : Katti Batti

What can I say ?

This film is really an absolute mess, with yards and yards of vacuous celluloid.

Redemption comes literally at the eleventh hour - in the last fifteen minutes, one begins to understand the enormity of Nikhil Advani's various blunders. A lot could have been done with this storyline, but wasn't.

No doubt a number of female hearts will bleed for the unshaven Imran; but for those males who wish to see this movie only for Kangana, please don't - it's like buying a Penthouse just to see the Pet of the Month : over in minutes.

For this "batti", Advani should have used LED; but alas, that was Irrfan's advice, wasn't it? Not that of his homonymous Khan.

Take #14 : Black Mass

This documentary-styled film made along the lines of 'Argo' and 'Zero Dark Thirty', is about a South Boston street kid named Whitey Bulger who started out as a petty crook and went on to become a powerful crime lord - with the active connivance of the FBI.

The film would have been quite ordinary, had it not been for the inimitable Johnny Depp, who showcases his versatility yet again by giving us a finely layered performance that keeps you riveted to your seat, wondering if this is an autobiography or an act.

Definitely a must for Deppophiles; the rest of you can comfortably give this one a miss

Take #13: Welcome Back

It's all very well for the critics to say that you need to leave your brains at home when you go to see this movie......but you still, alas, have to carry your skull with you - a skull that is unlikely to survive the cacophony of sound in this film.

I have finally realised why Anees Bazmee's name has so many vowels in it - you're supposed to extract them, club them together and put three exclamation marks at the end: this will give you a flavour of the emotion you will experience while watching this film.

There are many other highlights - the colours are even louder than those used in "MSG" and "The Dirty Picture"; Shruti Haasan invites you to forget Katrina Kaif by acting like she's the new vegetable in Bollywood; and newcomer Ankita Srivastava attempts to become your new "bosom" pal, by trying to prove that less is more.

If you decide to see this film, you will need to borrow one virtue from Nana Patekar: Control.

Take #12 : The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

" The Man from U.N.C.L.E " is a delightful spy film.


With two great male leads, the characters of Napoleon Solo and Ilya Kuryakin entertain like never before.

The women are gorgeous, the music foot-tapping and absolutely on point, the locations exotic, the humour constant....and Hugh Grant's little cameo is classic.


Welcome to two hours of an alternate James Bond - in duplicate ! If you're at a loose end and just want some pure entertainment, this one is for you.


And yes - don't leave before reading all the end credits !

Salad #18 : The Way Of All Flesh

And so, after a very, very long time, here's one more trip down memory lane.

You could call this my coming-of-age poem. It was written in 1984 - I had just turned 20, was about to graduate, and my mind was churning with the accumulated impact of so many experiences - many of which I had found too hot to handle.

Surprisingly, I look at these lines in the context of the present day and realise, with a little surprise, that nothing has changed very much in the past 30 years. Electronics and digital worlds notwithstanding. a lot of my younger readers may have experienced these emotions themselves.

As always, please be kind if you are leaving feedback ! Thank you !

Thinking of relationships

The long hours that go
into building them up,
the short minutes they take
to come crashing down.
Thinking of animosity, that
impregnable steel barrier
that leads the rest of the world
to isolate a single individual
whom they cannot fully understand.
Thinking of words
spoken in jest, taken in seriousness
ugly rumours
that cause their victim to retreat
into an emotional prison
for the rest of his or her life.


Thinking of parents and the Establishment
Restrictions, refusals, castigation
Thinking of arguments, migraine-like headaches
foul language in raised voices
sharp stinging slaps
Thinking of blood pressure
scaling new heights
Electrocardiograms going crazy
one thing leading to another
sympathetic detonation…….
Wondering
at the fearsome power of the explosive
that sets the reaction off


Thinking of little girls
Giggling, squealing, irritating
Thinking of teenaged nymphets
in tight jeans
                         chewing gum
                              blowing bubbles
                                 sprouting pimples
Thinking of women
long-haired, doe-eyed, soft voiced
Of more women
intelligent, self-centred, assured
Still more women
neurotic, uncertain, vulnerable
Wondering
just where the key is
that winds all of them


Thinking of pranks, blunders, indiscretions
smiling at the many moments
of acute embarrassment
fondly recollecting the first pangs
of puppy love
Thinking of childhood, and wet beds
                 of adolescence, and wet dreams
                 of adulthood, and wet pillows
Wondering
just what connects the beginning of one
to the end of another

Thinking of studies
Sheer desperation
mere hours before the exams
Long, silent nights
Gnawing headaches
Sticky eyelids
The ferocious heat of a powerful table lamp
The psychology of hot
                                  black
                                  bitter
                                             coffee
Absorbing just so much, and no more
Wondering
just where it all is going to end


 Thinking of the baser characteristics
of man
Of envy, that makes some conspire                 
to bring about the ruin
of one better than themselves
Of cowardice
that makes some turn tail and run
leaving a handful of hapless others
to face the tuneless music
Thinking of selfish people
who consider the welfare of
but one person in this world
Wondering
just what Dante would say of his own book
if he were here to say all this.

Take #11 : Ricki And The Flash

Watching Meryl Streep is always a treat - and this little film, in which she plays a penurious musician who once walked out on her family and is temporarily drawn back in, is no exception. 

The lady sings a mean note, and packs a subtle punch in this dysfunctional mother's role. Musician Rick Springfield is present to add the rest of the realism to the music.

Families bond in strange ways. As Rick says "You can't expect your kids to love you - that's not their job ! It's YOUR job to love them".

This movie is not for everyone - but for a few, it will strike many chords.

I'm so glad I decided that I was among the half-dozen people on a balmy Monday night who decided to see the film; if you're a Meryl Streep fan, do NOT let this one go !

Take #10 : Drishyam

It wasn't difficult to work out why this movie is still running to packed houses in its third week.

I can finally say that I liked an Ajay Devgn film: difficult not to - his portrayal of a simple family man leading an idyllic life in a small Goan village, and the wayinwhich he schemes to protect his family after a sudden incident turns their lives upside down, is brilliant in its simple intensity.

Add to that a great background score; sprinkle on the charms of Shriya Saran; pour Tabu into a catwoman-tight police uniform- and you have the ingredients for a compelling watch!