Tobackoff # 8 : Three Years Later

Three years ago today, I moved from smoking 40+ cigarettes a day, to smoking nothing at all. It was a personal triumph, and this third anniversary is a very personal celebration.

The past eighteen months have been difficult and stressful…don’t they tell you that stress will induce you to restart smoking ? Don’t believe it, it’s not true. It’s like saying that heights will induce you to jump from them. It’s only YOU, not the situation or the circumstance.

I have been very touched by the solicitude of my smoking friends, who used to take my permission before lighting up in front of me…….don’t they tell you that you get tempted by the smell of the smoke ? Don’t believe it, you only find it revolting, but you treat it with tolerance because it’s something you used to do – and know that you will never do again.

At work recently, I met a veteran smoker who told me (between puffs) : “You WILL smoke, my friend. But I’ll tell you when. When all is done and dusted, and you have retired and settled down and become a grandfather; and you have paid off all your liabilities and provided for the future of all your dependents and prepared a tidy document to guide people on what to do when you’re no longer there; that’s when you’ll go out and buy a packet of cigarettes and say, ‘Now I can afford to die!’ Mark my words !”

An interesting statement, that. But there are flaws in that argument. First, everybody dies; and second, no one gets to choose how to die – but you sure as hell have a vote in deciding how NOT to die.

But the clincher, at the end of it all, is that giving up smoking is about living : living better, living healthier, living longer and rejoicing that you were able to do, without medical catalysts, something that less than 5 out of any given 100 people have been able to do.

Here’s to another year, then. 

Twitter, Demystified

Prologue

I created  a Twitter ID years ago and didn’t know what to do with it : it was a full three years before I got going with that esoteric pastime known as “tweeting”, and even then , I don’t think I’m there yet. The interesting part is that I’m not alone – there are literally scores of people out there who wonder what Twitter is all about, what you do on it, how useful it is, and so on.

So I thought I’d do a first-person account of my experiences on Twitter so far – in my usual random, rambling, bulleted style ! And again in my usual style, I'll leave a few things unsaid, because I know that there will always be someone else to say them.

Read on ! If you’re part of the Twitter brigade, feel free to rant about my inaccuracies; and if you’re not, I hope this post isn't too indigestible for you, and indeed, that it induces you to try Twitter out for yourself sometime – it’s quite an experience.

 What is Twitter and What do I do there?

Twitter describes itself as a microblogging site : a place where you can express your views or say anything at all – but just 140 characters at a time. This is called a “tweet”. Twitter also allows you to post pictures of any kind, or to communicate with others on Twitter through the use of the “@” sign, that directs your tweet to them. It permits you to group or index your tweets through the use of the “#” (a “hashtag”), or to find others’ tweets on the same subject by similar means.

 Who Tweets and Why ?

All sorts of people ! Twitter is rich and infinite in its variety! Here’s a quick look at the various categories of people who tweet (“the Twitterati”), and why:

·         Celebrities:  Because they know fans are hanging on to every apostrophe, and they love it. Mr Bachchan, for example, maintains a meticulous Twitter feed; unfortunately, not many of the other Bollywooders have much to say, but the many industrialists, journalists, newscasters and writers make up for it.

·         Businesses & Entrepreneurs: Because they have a great free platform to advertise – so caterers, banks, restaurants, clubs, movie theatres, small enterprises – they’re all there

·         News / TV Channels: Because they realise that they can reach you with their offerings 24x7, not just when you’re being a couch potato

·         Porn peddlers: Yes, they’re here as well. Individuals, couples or groups that want to pander to your salacious side and draw you into their scatological world with posts and pictures. Unfortunately, there are a great many adults-only

·         Anonymous people: People who want to go incognito, those who like to lead a second life online, or simply, those who are too reticent to be up-front, tend to use assumed or made-up names, and abstract pictures. This, of course, doesn’t mean that their Tweets aren’t as good as anyone else’s.

·         Teenagers: This is the tricky part – Twitter has any number of people who are young, very young, and not necessarily well-versed in the ways of the world. Your son or daughter could be there, venting his or her angst on several thousand followers who miraculously materialise in just a few weeks, and cling on to their ‘timeline” (what Twitter calls its feed page).

Getting Started

Just a few simple steps will take you there:

1.       Create an ID on www.twitter.com.  The ID is a username (referred to as your “Twitter handle”), and need not be your own name. You will also be required to suggest a user name, which would follow the same principle. So, a handle like @TimeFlies with a user name like Big Ben is perfectly in order.

2.       Enter the “bio”, which is intended to be a brief description of yourself, but is actually a limited space where you can communicate anything you like, about or in relation to yourself and your tastes, that will induce similar people to follow you. Or it can be a simple, flat, statement in the air – one Twitter user, female, simply wrote “Characterless after 140”, thereby exemplifying how she sees T(wit)ter.

3.       If you’re comfortable with the technicalities, create a suitable look and feel for the page, the background, et al.

4.       Choose people to follow. Keep following new followers every day for a week.

5.       Try tweeting yourself.

What do I Tweet about ?

There’s really no limit to what you can tweet about – but you probably feel silly writing things in a continuous stream with no apparent result or effect – kind of like talking to someone for minutes together, when that someone doesn’t seem to be listening at all.

Relax. You’ll get into the groove. What you need to remember that EVERYthing you put on Twitter is seen by hundreds of people globally. It’s a perpetual audience across different time zones. The moment you touch a chord with one of your tweets, you’ll know: they’ll express their appreciation by “favoriting” your tweet, or by “retweeting” it (publishing it on their timeline so that their followers can see it), or by interacting with you, and so on. You’ll naturally be gratified, and will tend to tweet more, and so it builds.

If you still can’t imagine how you’re going to build your own string of tweets, here are a few suggestions:

• ·         Write a quotation you like – with or without the name of the person to whom that quote is attributed
• ·         Vent your spleen – simply comment on a series of things you feel strongly about. Like the upcoming electoral candidates, perhaps
• ·         Share news or events or weather or anything interesting in your life, your home, or vicinity
• ·         Type a 140-character poem, written either by you or by someone else. Or perhaps a limerick, they’re always hilarious
• ·         Type a few lines from a song you like, that have meaning for you
• ·         Take pictures and post them, or post pictures you like
• ·         Conduct conversations, using the @ symbol
• ·         Tweet news – such as a building catching fire in your area, or an accident happening in front of you
  

Rules of Twitter

Like any other forum online, Twitter has its own house rules, and its own code of conduct. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. 1.       Follow people. And retweet or favorite them. It’s the virtual equivalent of walking into a party and speaking to everyone present in turn. You get visible, and you get popular. Skulking in the cybernetic blackness, waiting for unknown admirers, will get you nowhere. 

1. 2.       There’s a “direct message” (DM) facility in Twitter, but most people don’t like it since the intent of all Twitter conversations is to keep them public – unless, of course, you’re sharing a phone number or other personal details with someone who wants it.

1. 3.       The default display picture (“dp”, or “avi”) on Twitter is an egg, standing upright in a square background of various colours. Do replace this egg with a picture – ANY picture. The unwritten rule in Twitter is that all eggs are rotten – people will tend not to follow you.

1. 4.       Don’t copy someone else’s tweet and represent it as your own – retweet it. Copying is frowned upon and is viewed as a form of slyness or dishonesty. Followers will treat you like pesticide, and stay away.

1. 5.       Two people on your timeline might be having a conversation: don’t follow that conversation and butt in, it amounts to stalking and will invite vitriolic reaction.

1. 6.       Don’t spam. This means, don’t flood someone’s timeline with a series of tweets, without being invited to do so. They will simply block you and tell others to do the same.

1. 7.       Remember that Big Brother may not be watching you, but everyone is. You needn’t be excessively diplomatic, but don’t be unnecessarily derogatory, racist, sexist, abusive or unduly hate-oriented. You wouldn’t like your tweet to come up at a job interview, now would you ? 

So what use is Twitter ?

• ·         It’s a 24x7x365 live, virtual communication platform that’s easily accessible on nearly all phones and computing machines
• ·         You can actually tweet celebrities or your role models – they frequently respond
• ·         You meet interesting people from many different countries
•            It's great company and makes interesting reading
• ·         You get alerted on many important events, unfortunate happenings, natural disasters and so on, even as they happen
• ·         You can actually send out an SOS on Twitter – like a request for help, or a plea for a blood donation
  

YOU decide. And let me know what you think. Even if you’ve already been tweeting, I’d love to hear your views. 

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Note: Images used in this article are freely available from the internet and were downloaded therefrom

How Black is this Berry ? - A User's view of the new BlackBerry Q10

Upto 2007, I used to eye BlackBerry instruments in others’ hands, wondering whether I would ever own one. Then, in 2008, my employers gave me one – and I’ve been hooked ever since.

Over the last couple of years, however, it was difficult not to be exasperated with the obvious flaws in the operating system… Android and Windows were never options for me, so I had to be content with my Nokia phones and their Symbian drivers;  I was, therefore, mightily pleased when the BB 10 finally arrived, late though it was. I passed up the Z10, since big screens have never been my thing, and picked up my Q10 in June this year, shortly after it hit the markets.

This, then, is a user experience discourse. I’m not going to get technical at all, you can find all the specs you want  on innumerable websites. I’d just like to share my views with other BlackBerry fans, and with potential BB users who are trying to decide whether they should switch.

Here it is, then, briefly and baldly laid out:

What’s different

·       
 Well, the operating system, naturally. The BB10 is a whole new interface with a great look and feel, and a number of interesting features. For all that, it’s not complicated, and doesn’t take too much time to learn.

·         For those of you who don’t like external memory card, the onboard memory is a boon – at 16 GB, you won’t need more space unless you want to convert your phone into a camera or a music player

·         The desktop software is completely different – no more BlackBerry Desktop Manager : there’s BlackBerry Link instead, which does the same job, but looks a lot sleeker and comes with additional functionality. The other good news is that the file format is unchanged, so your older BB backups can be saved in Link just as easily.

·         Good bye to the BlackBerry Internet Plan. Like any other smartphone, be it Android or windows, you have to take a normal 3G or 2G plan that suits you

·         One effect of the new OS is that you get to sync all your contacts – so, when you review your Contacts list, you will find ALL your contacts – be they from your phone, from Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, WhatsApp or LinkedIn. You can even switch off contact display functionality of some of these apps, if it suits you

What’s good

Lots of things, but I’m going to talk only about a few of the everyday stuff:

·         At last you can listen to music on your BB : the Q10’s speaker  gives you rich, crystal-clear stereo-quality sound. It’s not Bose, naturally, but it’s not Bad, either.

·         The Q10’s voice clarity is far superior to all BlackBerry phones till date. In a clear-signal area, even the lowest volume may well be too loud for you !

·         Predictive text input, where whole words come up and the system “learns” words as you type new ones, is a welcome imitation from the Samsung Galaxy range of phones

·         I’ve always been a BB camera fan – if you hold the phone steady, you get a reasonably good picture. The Q10’s camera, in pixel-power, focus and clarity, is a significant improvement, so you’re likely to always leave your digicam at home if you’re an amateur shooter.  There’s even a photo-editing software thrown in

·         The BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) has been enhanced to offer video chat, thereby making a good thing even better. Naturally, you can use this feature only with other BB10 users, but at least it has arrived.

·         With an expanded memory, the hanging problem is finally solved.

·         The appearance is a winner – slim, sleek, beautifully contoured, with a steel frame and a glass-weave anti-slip back, the new look beats the Bold 3 by a yard and then some. The keyboard is completely reengineered and has a great feel, apart from ensuring faster typing. The screen is a beautiful piece of work, allowing you to see clearly even in bright sunlight.

What’s bad

Ah, well : it may glitter, but it’s not gold – yet ! Here are a few of the things to get worked up about:

·         Battery life, while vastly improved, could still have been a lot better. Active-use time is 10 to 11 hours, which means that, if you have a standard 12-hour office day, you’re going to run out of juice before you get home.  While the Company isn’t saying this upfront, their outlets are discreetly suggesting that buying the BB battery pack wuld be a good idea - which is very revealing. This is one phone which you’ll have to charge for 2 hours every morning  and another 2 every night, unless you want it going dead while you’re asleep or while you’re on the way home.

·         The Q10 heats up alarmingly at unpredictable moments – in fact, it actually gets so warm that you really don’t feel comfortable holding it ! Fortunately, it cools down pretty fast as well. I haven’t found a causative trend – but it seems to happen more when the network is consistently poor, or when Bluetooth / NFC etc are on

·         The touchscreen is over-sensitive – if you’re not careful, you’ll end up redialing the last number dialed on a regular basis.  This necessitates a screen lock, which can be a bit fiddly if you need to use your phone in a hurry.

·         While the phone doesn’t hang, it hesitates for a long couple of seconds whenever you hit the “Settings” button. We are informed that the next update of the software will sort this out

·         As you probably already know, the App collection isn’t really there yet. This is not a problem, but yes, it IS a wish-list item. For example, I would love to use my Q10 to play Scrabble or Lexulous on the go – but that’s just not possible at the moment.

What’s the alternative

If you’re still a diehard BlackBerry fan, you have the option of buying the Q5.
The benefits ? Different colours, a sub-Rs 25,000/- price tag, and the BlackBerry 10 system.
The downside ? The battery is “fixed”, so you can’t take it out unless you go to a service centre. Also, if you’re an appearances person, you’ll be interested to know that the BB outlet that sold me the phone observed that the Q5’s look and feel simply doesn’t have the class of the Q10.


What’s the verdict

I’m a guy who believes in using his phone to call, text (sms, BBM, WhatsApp, whatever), take pictures, set alarms and play the occasional basic game when I’m waiting in a line – or something.  I don’t like fancy functionalities, complex apps and large screens that allow the world and their mother to read your private communiqués from a distance of five feet.

If you’re like me, and if you’re willing to spend what others would on an iPhone or a high-end Galaxy or Lumia, then buy the Q10, it’s as good as a Blackberry can get.

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Disclaimer: This does not purport to be an accurate description of the BlackBerry Q10's functioning and attributes. This is simply a first-person account of an actual user experience and is not intended to either promote or downgrade the BlackBerry or any of its competitor products. 

Can Bean Counters Write ?

One of the Alumni Associations to which I belong,  recently sent me an interesting set of questions on the subject of  “numbers” people also being “wordsmiths”. I sent across my answers, and the interview, as it were, was published in their newsletter.

It occurred to me that some of the readers of this blog might have similar questions in their minds, so I thought I’d post that interview up here . If you still have questions, feel free to ask !

·         They say that people who work with numbers are not as good with words. How did you develop the hobby to write?

I started writing at 12. It was in the genes, I guess - my mother comes from a newspaper family; besides, writing as a hobby and as a form of communication was practically a default option during my schooldays - phone calls were expensive and phone use strictly monitored, there were no mobiles, there was no Internet or cable TV,  and there were no e-books. But there was a lot of imagination; imagination spawned ideas; ideas needed to be translated into words; words came from reading books at a prodigious rate and growing  vocabulary; and that's how the writing hobby took off.

In my case, two other things helped: I was painfully shy and diffident until a fairly late age, so writing was my preferred mode of expression anyway. Secondly, I had some really inspiring English teachers, who were quick to recognise my complete absorption with creative writing, and enthusiastically nurtured and grew that absorption. I soon found that people appeared to enjoy reading what I wrote, so the habit stuck.

To address your other point, some of the most brilliant wordsmiths I have met have all been people who are also good with numbers (I, however, have never been so!). Numbers people are logical people; logic may lead them to crosswords; and that habit may go on to writing. So, I do not think the two attributes are really mutually exclusive.....but good reading always helps.

·         One of the most difficult things for any writer is to get the humour right. Your writings are not only funny but also thought provoking. How did you nurture this style, does it come to you naturally?

I was brought up on a strict diet of humorous reading - Richard Armour, P G Wodehouse, George Mikes, MAD magazine, Asterix and Tintin, among others. I used to laugh until I wept, and it didn't take long for me to figure out that any reader who chuckles out loud while reading, is going to be a very happy reader at the end of his / her experience. Then I read "The Fountainhead" and Ellsworth's Toohey's observations on never losing one's sense of humour, and I realised then that I had found my writing genre.

 I suppose the style comes to me naturally, now. The way I started was to look closely at a person, thing or situation, and try and do a flippant take on whatever I observed. I used sarcasm initially, but dropped that in favour of subtlety, and eventually settled for a mix of the two. It worked, because when you really think about it, everything in life has its strange, funny or ludicrous side - and laughter really is the best medicine.

·         With your busy schedule, how do you find time for your hobby? Any time management traits you'd like to share with our readers?

I'm a late-night person. When the sky turns black and the stars come out, the creativity werewolf in me emerges for a few hours ! Having said that, I think it is true for nearly everyone that one will find time, come what may, to do that which one enjoys - whether it is once a day, or once a month.  There's no time management needed here, simply the determination to create that time slot. 

·         Would you say that advent of blogs has changed the way we write?

It certainly has. Blogs always existed, in the form of diaries or personal notebooks - but these were private, either not seen by any or only by a select few. But with the advent of blogs, what you put out there is read by hundreds at a time, across the globe - you can't choose your readership, or control what they read or say. Many of these people post comments and opinions. The writer in turn, is motivated to respond by writing more often and delivering more content, sometimes catering to what his / her readership wants. As a result, a blog that started out as autobiographical or opinionated, morphs over a period of time into something else altogether.
 

·         There's a budding writer in many of us. Any words of advice on how one should get started?

I agree with you - in fact, I would go so far as to say that there is a writer in every one of us; but some people are not comfortable with expression, and hence let that writer languish within; others let it escape and take them over. This is probably why Epictetus, the Greek Stoic, once said, "If you wish to be a writer, write".

To those who really wish to write, but have no clue where to begin, I would suggest that you take the "micro-fiction" route. First think of an incident you would like to narrate or a subject you would like to hold forth on. Then, wipe your mind clean of any ideas about "good" and "bad" writing, since there ain't no such animal. In step three, describe the incident or write on that subject as if you were narrating it to a friend - simply let the words flow. Keep it as long or as short as you would like. Finally, once you're done, put in paragraphs and punctuation, eliminate colloquialisms, tweak vocabulary, and give it a title. Believe me, you will be surprised at the result. After you've done this six or seven times, you're ready to go for a 1000-word article. Good luck !

Tobackoff # 7 : Up in Smoke (for World No Smoking Day)

An ex-smoker’s thoughts on the occasion of World No Smoking Day 2013 (May 31)

It’s funny, I never thought of World No Smoking Day when I was a smoker – and I thought even less about it after I stopped smoking, nearly three years ago.

But I decided that I need to write something this year, for May 31, as a wake-up call to the millions of smokers out there who are still, well, asleep, as it were.

As always, I’ll lay out my argument like a shopping list of points, in no particular order of priority. You can pick the ones you like (or dislike, depending on where you’re coming from). And you can make up your own mind:

1.       Money

Smoking is a very expensive habit. At one time, the amount I spent on a day on the stuff would have paid my cable TV bill for a month. The amount I spent over 26 years of smoking, was more than the cost of the car I bought when I quit !

And the cost always goes up. Internationally. Governments keep increasing taxes on tobacco, since no one’s going to vote them out of power for that ! And there’s an indirect cost, too – local laws cause the shops to be shifted further and further away from you, so there may actually be a cost involved in getting to the point of purchase of the cigarettes !!

No one’s saying you can’t afford it. But money, by definition, is a thing that is always in short supply. If you have too much of it, you might want to find something better to do with it.

       2. Time

Are you a watch-the-clock person ? There are lots of interesting  sides to the time “value” of smoking. 

One unconfirmed, quasi-medical report suggests that every cigarette takes away 6 minutes of your life….go figure !

Closer to home, your boss is likely to tell you that you’re working 60 minutes a day less, as a result of smoking 10 cigarettes. Why ? Because these days, thanks to cigarette bans, you not only have to leave the office, or the building, or the compound – you actually have to leave the campus altogether.

Then, of course, there’s the time taken (see above) to buy the cigarettes. 

3.       Smoke & Ash

No, this point isn’t about small volcanic eruptions.  Haven’t you heard that kissing a smoker is like licking an
ashtray ? I’ve actually licked an ashtray, albeit briefly. Not nice.

As a smoker, you will move in the centre of a small, almost invisible, environment of ash. It will be everywhere – on your table, in the corners of your drawers, in your laptop keyboard (turn it over, tap the back, and see), in your shirt pockets, in every nook and cranny of your car, in the corners of your sofa, all over your carpet……..the list is endless.  

.

 As a smoker, the smell of smoke will be as much a part of your life as the smell of fresh bread at a bakery. Everything smells. Your fingers will smell of stale nicotine; your breath will smell, except for the few essential moments that you try to stifle it with menthol; your hair will smell all the time, except for the first 4 hours after a shampoo; your clothes, all of them, will be forever impregnated with the scent of smoke and tobacco…….your partner just might find it sexy, but believe me, no one else will.

4.       Appearance

Over a period of time, a smoker’s appearance changes quite startlingly. Lips become dark brown, and could even become black. Fingers of the smoking hand become visibly yellower than those of the other hand. Facial skin becomes dry and desiccated, and begins to age, crease and wrinkle a few years earlier than it ordinarily would. Teeth become yellow, and tobacco deposits form on the inside. Gums become darker, like the lips.

A lot of these changes are irreversible. Yes, you can spend a fortune at the dentist’s, but you’ll have to keep going back. And Garnier hasn’t come up with a Smoker’s Skin Cream yet.

5.       The Sounds of Smoking

After the first decade or so, a heavy smoker’s breathing begins to get laboured – in very silent surroundings, or over a clear telephone line, you can actually hear a smoker breathe.  It gets worse after twenty years, and it worsens further after physical activity.

Singing smokers will eventually have to give up most of the songs they love, because they will not be able to hit the high notes or the very low ones. It’s a terrible reality check to have your voice crack at a pitch you could always sing in, and then try and figure out how it happened without your being aware of it.

Smokers who love laughter will have to start their laughs from higher up – if it really comes from the belly, they may find their laughs turning into a paroxysm of coughing as they choke on the ever-present trapped smoke in their lungs.

Phlegm accumulates rapidly in a smoker’s system, bringing with it the “smoker’s cough”, which varies between a dry, hacking cough that can frequently be painful, and a gurgling “wet” phlegmatic  gurgle that will cause people to hurriedly move a little further away. It’s embarrassing; and it never feels nice, particularly in the morning, and late at night.

6.       Taboo

You will find that smoking is so socially unacceptable these days, that to indulge in it is a serious problem. Laws have been enacted to make smoking in certain places illegal; smoking areas are so demarcated that the people there feel isolated even if they do not want to. Most homes are smoke-free these days, making it difficult to smoke with comfort anywhere. It’s simply not worth the trouble any more.

7.       Health

You think this should have gone first ? Oh, no. Everyone knows smoking isn’t a healthy practice, but that hasn’t stopped millions from indulging in it. The idea here is to point out that smoking is also bad for your health.

And this is given a situation where you don’t necessarily have to die from smoking.  Here’s what it can do to you before that:

- It kills your stamina, so that you can’t walk, run, climb, cycle or swim like you used to.

- It destroys the fine hairs, called cilia, on your lungs, so that your lungs lose the ability to expel foreign suspended particulate matter in the air you breathe – which means that you’re quite capable of choking on that very air.

-  It weakens the elasticity of your lungs, so that you have to work twice as hard to breathe the same air. This means that your heart has to work twice as hard to pump the same blood. This also means that if you have to get into an operating theatre and attach yourself to a ventilator, you may have trouble getting the ventilator off. 

And then if you smoke long enough to have one or all of these issues, and then decide to stop smoking, recovery is a lengthy process, and even then, is rarely more than 50%.

Endnote
So now you have the picture, a black-and-white eyewitness account, from a former smoker. There’s only one question left to answer:

If you’re eventually  not going to look good, sound good, feel good or be considered as good, then why do it ?

             

While you chew upon that - Happy World No-Smoking Day !