Twitter, Demystified

Prologue

I created  a Twitter ID years ago and didn’t know what to do with it : it was a full three years before I got going with that esoteric pastime known as “tweeting”, and even then , I don’t think I’m there yet. The interesting part is that I’m not alone – there are literally scores of people out there who wonder what Twitter is all about, what you do on it, how useful it is, and so on.

So I thought I’d do a first-person account of my experiences on Twitter so far – in my usual random, rambling, bulleted style ! And again in my usual style, I'll leave a few things unsaid, because I know that there will always be someone else to say them.

Read on ! If you’re part of the Twitter brigade, feel free to rant about my inaccuracies; and if you’re not, I hope this post isn't too indigestible for you, and indeed, that it induces you to try Twitter out for yourself sometime – it’s quite an experience.

 What is Twitter and What do I do there?

Twitter describes itself as a microblogging site : a place where you can express your views or say anything at all – but just 140 characters at a time. This is called a “tweet”. Twitter also allows you to post pictures of any kind, or to communicate with others on Twitter through the use of the “@” sign, that directs your tweet to them. It permits you to group or index your tweets through the use of the “#” (a “hashtag”), or to find others’ tweets on the same subject by similar means.

 Who Tweets and Why ?

All sorts of people ! Twitter is rich and infinite in its variety! Here’s a quick look at the various categories of people who tweet (“the Twitterati”), and why:

·         Celebrities:  Because they know fans are hanging on to every apostrophe, and they love it. Mr Bachchan, for example, maintains a meticulous Twitter feed; unfortunately, not many of the other Bollywooders have much to say, but the many industrialists, journalists, newscasters and writers make up for it.

·         Businesses & Entrepreneurs: Because they have a great free platform to advertise – so caterers, banks, restaurants, clubs, movie theatres, small enterprises – they’re all there

·         News / TV Channels: Because they realise that they can reach you with their offerings 24x7, not just when you’re being a couch potato

·         Porn peddlers: Yes, they’re here as well. Individuals, couples or groups that want to pander to your salacious side and draw you into their scatological world with posts and pictures. Unfortunately, there are a great many adults-only

·         Anonymous people: People who want to go incognito, those who like to lead a second life online, or simply, those who are too reticent to be up-front, tend to use assumed or made-up names, and abstract pictures. This, of course, doesn’t mean that their Tweets aren’t as good as anyone else’s.

·         Teenagers: This is the tricky part – Twitter has any number of people who are young, very young, and not necessarily well-versed in the ways of the world. Your son or daughter could be there, venting his or her angst on several thousand followers who miraculously materialise in just a few weeks, and cling on to their ‘timeline” (what Twitter calls its feed page).

Getting Started

Just a few simple steps will take you there:

1.       Create an ID on www.twitter.com.  The ID is a username (referred to as your “Twitter handle”), and need not be your own name. You will also be required to suggest a user name, which would follow the same principle. So, a handle like @TimeFlies with a user name like Big Ben is perfectly in order.

2.       Enter the “bio”, which is intended to be a brief description of yourself, but is actually a limited space where you can communicate anything you like, about or in relation to yourself and your tastes, that will induce similar people to follow you. Or it can be a simple, flat, statement in the air – one Twitter user, female, simply wrote “Characterless after 140”, thereby exemplifying how she sees T(wit)ter.

3.       If you’re comfortable with the technicalities, create a suitable look and feel for the page, the background, et al.

4.       Choose people to follow. Keep following new followers every day for a week.

5.       Try tweeting yourself.

What do I Tweet about ?

There’s really no limit to what you can tweet about – but you probably feel silly writing things in a continuous stream with no apparent result or effect – kind of like talking to someone for minutes together, when that someone doesn’t seem to be listening at all.

Relax. You’ll get into the groove. What you need to remember that EVERYthing you put on Twitter is seen by hundreds of people globally. It’s a perpetual audience across different time zones. The moment you touch a chord with one of your tweets, you’ll know: they’ll express their appreciation by “favoriting” your tweet, or by “retweeting” it (publishing it on their timeline so that their followers can see it), or by interacting with you, and so on. You’ll naturally be gratified, and will tend to tweet more, and so it builds.

If you still can’t imagine how you’re going to build your own string of tweets, here are a few suggestions:

• ·         Write a quotation you like – with or without the name of the person to whom that quote is attributed
• ·         Vent your spleen – simply comment on a series of things you feel strongly about. Like the upcoming electoral candidates, perhaps
• ·         Share news or events or weather or anything interesting in your life, your home, or vicinity
• ·         Type a 140-character poem, written either by you or by someone else. Or perhaps a limerick, they’re always hilarious
• ·         Type a few lines from a song you like, that have meaning for you
• ·         Take pictures and post them, or post pictures you like
• ·         Conduct conversations, using the @ symbol
• ·         Tweet news – such as a building catching fire in your area, or an accident happening in front of you
  

Rules of Twitter

Like any other forum online, Twitter has its own house rules, and its own code of conduct. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. 1.       Follow people. And retweet or favorite them. It’s the virtual equivalent of walking into a party and speaking to everyone present in turn. You get visible, and you get popular. Skulking in the cybernetic blackness, waiting for unknown admirers, will get you nowhere. 

1. 2.       There’s a “direct message” (DM) facility in Twitter, but most people don’t like it since the intent of all Twitter conversations is to keep them public – unless, of course, you’re sharing a phone number or other personal details with someone who wants it.

1. 3.       The default display picture (“dp”, or “avi”) on Twitter is an egg, standing upright in a square background of various colours. Do replace this egg with a picture – ANY picture. The unwritten rule in Twitter is that all eggs are rotten – people will tend not to follow you.

1. 4.       Don’t copy someone else’s tweet and represent it as your own – retweet it. Copying is frowned upon and is viewed as a form of slyness or dishonesty. Followers will treat you like pesticide, and stay away.

1. 5.       Two people on your timeline might be having a conversation: don’t follow that conversation and butt in, it amounts to stalking and will invite vitriolic reaction.

1. 6.       Don’t spam. This means, don’t flood someone’s timeline with a series of tweets, without being invited to do so. They will simply block you and tell others to do the same.

1. 7.       Remember that Big Brother may not be watching you, but everyone is. You needn’t be excessively diplomatic, but don’t be unnecessarily derogatory, racist, sexist, abusive or unduly hate-oriented. You wouldn’t like your tweet to come up at a job interview, now would you ? 

So what use is Twitter ?

• ·         It’s a 24x7x365 live, virtual communication platform that’s easily accessible on nearly all phones and computing machines
• ·         You can actually tweet celebrities or your role models – they frequently respond
• ·         You meet interesting people from many different countries
•            It's great company and makes interesting reading
• ·         You get alerted on many important events, unfortunate happenings, natural disasters and so on, even as they happen
• ·         You can actually send out an SOS on Twitter – like a request for help, or a plea for a blood donation
  

YOU decide. And let me know what you think. Even if you’ve already been tweeting, I’d love to hear your views. 

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Note: Images used in this article are freely available from the internet and were downloaded therefrom

How Black is this Berry ? - A User's view of the new BlackBerry Q10

Upto 2007, I used to eye BlackBerry instruments in others’ hands, wondering whether I would ever own one. Then, in 2008, my employers gave me one – and I’ve been hooked ever since.

Over the last couple of years, however, it was difficult not to be exasperated with the obvious flaws in the operating system… Android and Windows were never options for me, so I had to be content with my Nokia phones and their Symbian drivers;  I was, therefore, mightily pleased when the BB 10 finally arrived, late though it was. I passed up the Z10, since big screens have never been my thing, and picked up my Q10 in June this year, shortly after it hit the markets.

This, then, is a user experience discourse. I’m not going to get technical at all, you can find all the specs you want  on innumerable websites. I’d just like to share my views with other BlackBerry fans, and with potential BB users who are trying to decide whether they should switch.

Here it is, then, briefly and baldly laid out:

What’s different

·       
 Well, the operating system, naturally. The BB10 is a whole new interface with a great look and feel, and a number of interesting features. For all that, it’s not complicated, and doesn’t take too much time to learn.

·         For those of you who don’t like external memory card, the onboard memory is a boon – at 16 GB, you won’t need more space unless you want to convert your phone into a camera or a music player

·         The desktop software is completely different – no more BlackBerry Desktop Manager : there’s BlackBerry Link instead, which does the same job, but looks a lot sleeker and comes with additional functionality. The other good news is that the file format is unchanged, so your older BB backups can be saved in Link just as easily.

·         Good bye to the BlackBerry Internet Plan. Like any other smartphone, be it Android or windows, you have to take a normal 3G or 2G plan that suits you

·         One effect of the new OS is that you get to sync all your contacts – so, when you review your Contacts list, you will find ALL your contacts – be they from your phone, from Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, WhatsApp or LinkedIn. You can even switch off contact display functionality of some of these apps, if it suits you

What’s good

Lots of things, but I’m going to talk only about a few of the everyday stuff:

·         At last you can listen to music on your BB : the Q10’s speaker  gives you rich, crystal-clear stereo-quality sound. It’s not Bose, naturally, but it’s not Bad, either.

·         The Q10’s voice clarity is far superior to all BlackBerry phones till date. In a clear-signal area, even the lowest volume may well be too loud for you !

·         Predictive text input, where whole words come up and the system “learns” words as you type new ones, is a welcome imitation from the Samsung Galaxy range of phones

·         I’ve always been a BB camera fan – if you hold the phone steady, you get a reasonably good picture. The Q10’s camera, in pixel-power, focus and clarity, is a significant improvement, so you’re likely to always leave your digicam at home if you’re an amateur shooter.  There’s even a photo-editing software thrown in

·         The BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) has been enhanced to offer video chat, thereby making a good thing even better. Naturally, you can use this feature only with other BB10 users, but at least it has arrived.

·         With an expanded memory, the hanging problem is finally solved.

·         The appearance is a winner – slim, sleek, beautifully contoured, with a steel frame and a glass-weave anti-slip back, the new look beats the Bold 3 by a yard and then some. The keyboard is completely reengineered and has a great feel, apart from ensuring faster typing. The screen is a beautiful piece of work, allowing you to see clearly even in bright sunlight.

What’s bad

Ah, well : it may glitter, but it’s not gold – yet ! Here are a few of the things to get worked up about:

·         Battery life, while vastly improved, could still have been a lot better. Active-use time is 10 to 11 hours, which means that, if you have a standard 12-hour office day, you’re going to run out of juice before you get home.  While the Company isn’t saying this upfront, their outlets are discreetly suggesting that buying the BB battery pack wuld be a good idea - which is very revealing. This is one phone which you’ll have to charge for 2 hours every morning  and another 2 every night, unless you want it going dead while you’re asleep or while you’re on the way home.

·         The Q10 heats up alarmingly at unpredictable moments – in fact, it actually gets so warm that you really don’t feel comfortable holding it ! Fortunately, it cools down pretty fast as well. I haven’t found a causative trend – but it seems to happen more when the network is consistently poor, or when Bluetooth / NFC etc are on

·         The touchscreen is over-sensitive – if you’re not careful, you’ll end up redialing the last number dialed on a regular basis.  This necessitates a screen lock, which can be a bit fiddly if you need to use your phone in a hurry.

·         While the phone doesn’t hang, it hesitates for a long couple of seconds whenever you hit the “Settings” button. We are informed that the next update of the software will sort this out

·         As you probably already know, the App collection isn’t really there yet. This is not a problem, but yes, it IS a wish-list item. For example, I would love to use my Q10 to play Scrabble or Lexulous on the go – but that’s just not possible at the moment.

What’s the alternative

If you’re still a diehard BlackBerry fan, you have the option of buying the Q5.
The benefits ? Different colours, a sub-Rs 25,000/- price tag, and the BlackBerry 10 system.
The downside ? The battery is “fixed”, so you can’t take it out unless you go to a service centre. Also, if you’re an appearances person, you’ll be interested to know that the BB outlet that sold me the phone observed that the Q5’s look and feel simply doesn’t have the class of the Q10.


What’s the verdict

I’m a guy who believes in using his phone to call, text (sms, BBM, WhatsApp, whatever), take pictures, set alarms and play the occasional basic game when I’m waiting in a line – or something.  I don’t like fancy functionalities, complex apps and large screens that allow the world and their mother to read your private communiqués from a distance of five feet.

If you’re like me, and if you’re willing to spend what others would on an iPhone or a high-end Galaxy or Lumia, then buy the Q10, it’s as good as a Blackberry can get.

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Disclaimer: This does not purport to be an accurate description of the BlackBerry Q10's functioning and attributes. This is simply a first-person account of an actual user experience and is not intended to either promote or downgrade the BlackBerry or any of its competitor products. 

Can Bean Counters Write ?

One of the Alumni Associations to which I belong,  recently sent me an interesting set of questions on the subject of  “numbers” people also being “wordsmiths”. I sent across my answers, and the interview, as it were, was published in their newsletter.

It occurred to me that some of the readers of this blog might have similar questions in their minds, so I thought I’d post that interview up here . If you still have questions, feel free to ask !

·         They say that people who work with numbers are not as good with words. How did you develop the hobby to write?

I started writing at 12. It was in the genes, I guess - my mother comes from a newspaper family; besides, writing as a hobby and as a form of communication was practically a default option during my schooldays - phone calls were expensive and phone use strictly monitored, there were no mobiles, there was no Internet or cable TV,  and there were no e-books. But there was a lot of imagination; imagination spawned ideas; ideas needed to be translated into words; words came from reading books at a prodigious rate and growing  vocabulary; and that's how the writing hobby took off.

In my case, two other things helped: I was painfully shy and diffident until a fairly late age, so writing was my preferred mode of expression anyway. Secondly, I had some really inspiring English teachers, who were quick to recognise my complete absorption with creative writing, and enthusiastically nurtured and grew that absorption. I soon found that people appeared to enjoy reading what I wrote, so the habit stuck.

To address your other point, some of the most brilliant wordsmiths I have met have all been people who are also good with numbers (I, however, have never been so!). Numbers people are logical people; logic may lead them to crosswords; and that habit may go on to writing. So, I do not think the two attributes are really mutually exclusive.....but good reading always helps.

·         One of the most difficult things for any writer is to get the humour right. Your writings are not only funny but also thought provoking. How did you nurture this style, does it come to you naturally?

I was brought up on a strict diet of humorous reading - Richard Armour, P G Wodehouse, George Mikes, MAD magazine, Asterix and Tintin, among others. I used to laugh until I wept, and it didn't take long for me to figure out that any reader who chuckles out loud while reading, is going to be a very happy reader at the end of his / her experience. Then I read "The Fountainhead" and Ellsworth's Toohey's observations on never losing one's sense of humour, and I realised then that I had found my writing genre.

 I suppose the style comes to me naturally, now. The way I started was to look closely at a person, thing or situation, and try and do a flippant take on whatever I observed. I used sarcasm initially, but dropped that in favour of subtlety, and eventually settled for a mix of the two. It worked, because when you really think about it, everything in life has its strange, funny or ludicrous side - and laughter really is the best medicine.

·         With your busy schedule, how do you find time for your hobby? Any time management traits you'd like to share with our readers?

I'm a late-night person. When the sky turns black and the stars come out, the creativity werewolf in me emerges for a few hours ! Having said that, I think it is true for nearly everyone that one will find time, come what may, to do that which one enjoys - whether it is once a day, or once a month.  There's no time management needed here, simply the determination to create that time slot. 

·         Would you say that advent of blogs has changed the way we write?

It certainly has. Blogs always existed, in the form of diaries or personal notebooks - but these were private, either not seen by any or only by a select few. But with the advent of blogs, what you put out there is read by hundreds at a time, across the globe - you can't choose your readership, or control what they read or say. Many of these people post comments and opinions. The writer in turn, is motivated to respond by writing more often and delivering more content, sometimes catering to what his / her readership wants. As a result, a blog that started out as autobiographical or opinionated, morphs over a period of time into something else altogether.
 

·         There's a budding writer in many of us. Any words of advice on how one should get started?

I agree with you - in fact, I would go so far as to say that there is a writer in every one of us; but some people are not comfortable with expression, and hence let that writer languish within; others let it escape and take them over. This is probably why Epictetus, the Greek Stoic, once said, "If you wish to be a writer, write".

To those who really wish to write, but have no clue where to begin, I would suggest that you take the "micro-fiction" route. First think of an incident you would like to narrate or a subject you would like to hold forth on. Then, wipe your mind clean of any ideas about "good" and "bad" writing, since there ain't no such animal. In step three, describe the incident or write on that subject as if you were narrating it to a friend - simply let the words flow. Keep it as long or as short as you would like. Finally, once you're done, put in paragraphs and punctuation, eliminate colloquialisms, tweak vocabulary, and give it a title. Believe me, you will be surprised at the result. After you've done this six or seven times, you're ready to go for a 1000-word article. Good luck !

Tobackoff # 7 : Up in Smoke (for World No Smoking Day)

An ex-smoker’s thoughts on the occasion of World No Smoking Day 2013 (May 31)

It’s funny, I never thought of World No Smoking Day when I was a smoker – and I thought even less about it after I stopped smoking, nearly three years ago.

But I decided that I need to write something this year, for May 31, as a wake-up call to the millions of smokers out there who are still, well, asleep, as it were.

As always, I’ll lay out my argument like a shopping list of points, in no particular order of priority. You can pick the ones you like (or dislike, depending on where you’re coming from). And you can make up your own mind:

1.       Money

Smoking is a very expensive habit. At one time, the amount I spent on a day on the stuff would have paid my cable TV bill for a month. The amount I spent over 26 years of smoking, was more than the cost of the car I bought when I quit !

And the cost always goes up. Internationally. Governments keep increasing taxes on tobacco, since no one’s going to vote them out of power for that ! And there’s an indirect cost, too – local laws cause the shops to be shifted further and further away from you, so there may actually be a cost involved in getting to the point of purchase of the cigarettes !!

No one’s saying you can’t afford it. But money, by definition, is a thing that is always in short supply. If you have too much of it, you might want to find something better to do with it.

       2. Time

Are you a watch-the-clock person ? There are lots of interesting  sides to the time “value” of smoking. 

One unconfirmed, quasi-medical report suggests that every cigarette takes away 6 minutes of your life….go figure !

Closer to home, your boss is likely to tell you that you’re working 60 minutes a day less, as a result of smoking 10 cigarettes. Why ? Because these days, thanks to cigarette bans, you not only have to leave the office, or the building, or the compound – you actually have to leave the campus altogether.

Then, of course, there’s the time taken (see above) to buy the cigarettes. 

3.       Smoke & Ash

No, this point isn’t about small volcanic eruptions.  Haven’t you heard that kissing a smoker is like licking an
ashtray ? I’ve actually licked an ashtray, albeit briefly. Not nice.

As a smoker, you will move in the centre of a small, almost invisible, environment of ash. It will be everywhere – on your table, in the corners of your drawers, in your laptop keyboard (turn it over, tap the back, and see), in your shirt pockets, in every nook and cranny of your car, in the corners of your sofa, all over your carpet……..the list is endless.  

.

 As a smoker, the smell of smoke will be as much a part of your life as the smell of fresh bread at a bakery. Everything smells. Your fingers will smell of stale nicotine; your breath will smell, except for the few essential moments that you try to stifle it with menthol; your hair will smell all the time, except for the first 4 hours after a shampoo; your clothes, all of them, will be forever impregnated with the scent of smoke and tobacco…….your partner just might find it sexy, but believe me, no one else will.

4.       Appearance

Over a period of time, a smoker’s appearance changes quite startlingly. Lips become dark brown, and could even become black. Fingers of the smoking hand become visibly yellower than those of the other hand. Facial skin becomes dry and desiccated, and begins to age, crease and wrinkle a few years earlier than it ordinarily would. Teeth become yellow, and tobacco deposits form on the inside. Gums become darker, like the lips.

A lot of these changes are irreversible. Yes, you can spend a fortune at the dentist’s, but you’ll have to keep going back. And Garnier hasn’t come up with a Smoker’s Skin Cream yet.

5.       The Sounds of Smoking

After the first decade or so, a heavy smoker’s breathing begins to get laboured – in very silent surroundings, or over a clear telephone line, you can actually hear a smoker breathe.  It gets worse after twenty years, and it worsens further after physical activity.

Singing smokers will eventually have to give up most of the songs they love, because they will not be able to hit the high notes or the very low ones. It’s a terrible reality check to have your voice crack at a pitch you could always sing in, and then try and figure out how it happened without your being aware of it.

Smokers who love laughter will have to start their laughs from higher up – if it really comes from the belly, they may find their laughs turning into a paroxysm of coughing as they choke on the ever-present trapped smoke in their lungs.

Phlegm accumulates rapidly in a smoker’s system, bringing with it the “smoker’s cough”, which varies between a dry, hacking cough that can frequently be painful, and a gurgling “wet” phlegmatic  gurgle that will cause people to hurriedly move a little further away. It’s embarrassing; and it never feels nice, particularly in the morning, and late at night.

6.       Taboo

You will find that smoking is so socially unacceptable these days, that to indulge in it is a serious problem. Laws have been enacted to make smoking in certain places illegal; smoking areas are so demarcated that the people there feel isolated even if they do not want to. Most homes are smoke-free these days, making it difficult to smoke with comfort anywhere. It’s simply not worth the trouble any more.

7.       Health

You think this should have gone first ? Oh, no. Everyone knows smoking isn’t a healthy practice, but that hasn’t stopped millions from indulging in it. The idea here is to point out that smoking is also bad for your health.

And this is given a situation where you don’t necessarily have to die from smoking.  Here’s what it can do to you before that:

- It kills your stamina, so that you can’t walk, run, climb, cycle or swim like you used to.

- It destroys the fine hairs, called cilia, on your lungs, so that your lungs lose the ability to expel foreign suspended particulate matter in the air you breathe – which means that you’re quite capable of choking on that very air.

-  It weakens the elasticity of your lungs, so that you have to work twice as hard to breathe the same air. This means that your heart has to work twice as hard to pump the same blood. This also means that if you have to get into an operating theatre and attach yourself to a ventilator, you may have trouble getting the ventilator off. 

And then if you smoke long enough to have one or all of these issues, and then decide to stop smoking, recovery is a lengthy process, and even then, is rarely more than 50%.

Endnote
So now you have the picture, a black-and-white eyewitness account, from a former smoker. There’s only one question left to answer:

If you’re eventually  not going to look good, sound good, feel good or be considered as good, then why do it ?

             

While you chew upon that - Happy World No-Smoking Day !

Festiwitti # 4 : Goodbye to 2012

Goodbye, 2012. You had us on a see-saw all year.

You kept us on tenterhooks for 355 days, wondering whether we’re all going to die. In the meantime, you showed us that Felix Baumgartner, at least, isn’t afraid to ! You took away Verghese Kurien,Yash Chopra, Rajesh Khanna, Jagjit Singh, Ravi Shankar, Jaspal Bhatti, among others. You gave us Gangnam Style, and made sure one billion of us participated in the viewing of that particular bit of madness. You gave us Hurricane Sandy , and you gave us Narendra Modi and Barack Obama – again ! You finally got Qasab his just desserts, but you left Nirbhaya’s justice for the New Year.

In 2013, what are you going to do for us ? What are you going to take away ? Please give us more hope, and less heartbreak; please ensure more hilarity, more humility, less hedonism, more humanitarianism, less haste…..please warm the globe less and our hearts and our hearths more…..please restore faith, and dispense with futility.

Happy New Year to all the people in my blogworld. Here’s hoping that the coming year brings you fun, freedom and fulfilment.

Salad #17 : Archimedes' Principle Revisited

In the mid-eighties, my preoccupation with the human mind, its complexities, its aberrations, its machinations and its unpredictability, bordered almost on the obsessive. Although I was barely 22, I was struck by the number of unhappy people I met, and of the degree of the absorption of those people in their own unhappiness. Out of those encounters and the accompanying conversations and resultant thought processes, was this article born.

I request the reader’s forbearance for what will probably be the longest post on this blog. The only reason that I am sharing this, a full 25 years later, is that I am convinced that it still continues to be relevant.

At some stage in my early adulthood, I actually did want to be a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist; I abandoned that objective very quickly because it was prevailed upon me that to embark on that career was to invite a life of destitution and penury.

Read on, dear visitor. And do leave a comment at the end on this article’s relevance. Thank you !

“Archimedes’ Principle Revisited”
or
“Metaphysical Physics – With a Dash of Geography” (1987)


“ When an individual is immersed in self-pity, the volume of the individualism immersed is equal to the volume of self-respect displaced “

1.       PURPOSE

I have mused, on many an occasion, about the precise connection between self-respect and self-pity, about where the former ends and the latter begins; and I have had little difficulty in convincing myself that the two are indeed directly an irrevocably linked, that the decadence of one leads to the nascence of the other, and that the second stage is not possible without the first.

The purpose of examining this basic principle from a metaphysical perspective and in the context of the late twentieth century, is to advance the suggestion that this is a real phenomenon, that every person experiences it at one point of time or another in his life, and that the concept deserves a judicious amount of thought.

2. DEFINITIONS

Self-pity is a state of the mind characterised by the presence of a perpetual and lugubrious preoccupation with oneself, in a manner that seeks to explain that the protagonist has been severely and undeservedly wronged, and that all the other characters in the scenario are the villains of the piece.
Self-respect, on the other hand, is a state of the mind characterised by the presence of an equable awareness of oneself as an individual who matters in the scheme of things; in a manner that precludes the possibility of extreme egoism or excessive superiority, but simply incorporates the acceptance of one’s virtues and vices – to the extent one has realised them – with satisfaction, and even a microcosm of complacence.

The equality referred to in the enunciation of the Principle above seeks only to be philosophical – and therefore is immeasurable and has no mathematical connotation whatsoever.

The principle is best explained by considering a diagrammatic picturisation. One of the causes of self-pity is paranoia: please consider the case-study “then diagram” just after the conclusion of this section.

A “then diagram” is a drawing of a mental state that can only be executed by a person who has experienced that which the drawing seeks to explain; and by the same token, can usually only be comprehended by a person who has had a similar experience (no presumptive aspersion on you, reader !)

A “then diagram” is distinct from a “when diagram”, which is a projection of a perceived future happening (I have done a couple of these); and from a “now diagram” (which is the picturisation by a third party of a current happening.

3. “THEN DIAGRAM” – THE ZONES

The Zone of Megalomania and Extreme Egoism is that area which obviates the possibility of any self-respect or self-pity, for the simple reason that they are not attainable. A mind that resides in this region is secure in the knowledge of its own superiority and untouchability; the person concerned can never feel sorry for himself – only for others…….and the question of self-respect does not arise, as the turgidity of the ego leaves no room for that noble feeling. The Revisited Principle therefore discounts this Zone.

The Zone of Self-Respect and Individualism is the perpetual residence of the thinking mind, and it is this Zone which the Revisited Principle considers in the first instance. A mind inhabitant in this Zone enjoys the feeling of living in a mental Utopia, with an approach that is distinctly positive but does not go to extremes.

When any of the conditions required for continuity in this Zone fall short of fulfilment, the mind enters the Zone of Self-Pity and Nihilism. In this area, rational thought does not exist, and the mind perpetually fights to stay on the surface of a seething quagmire of confusion, uncertainty and adverse attitudes. Success or failure in this schizophrenic battle determines the entry of the mind into the lower Zone.

The Zone of Perennial Vegetability – or the Kitchen Garden – marks the beginning of the end of the mental decadence initiated by the mind’s admission into the Zone of Self-Pity and Nihilism.

4.       “THEN DIAGRAM” – THE LINES

The Line of Superiority is the metaphysical equivalent of the Arctic Circle, and separates the Zone of Megalomania from the Zone of Self-Respect; or, in other words, separates those who are normal thinkers from those who imagine that they are supernormal thinkers.

The Line of Inferiority  is the metaphysical equivalent of the Equator, and is the tightrope between mental equilibrium and neurosis.

The mind that lies between the above two lines is what is usually classified as a “normal” or an “average” mind.

The Line of Irreversibility is the metaphysical equivalent of the Antarctic Circe, and is the borderline between neurosis and the first tentative advances towards flaccid insanity.

The mind that lies between these two lines is unstable, but not irredeemably so.

5.       CASE STUDY: ACUTE PARANOIA

These, then, are the stages of paranoia. The alphabets indicated are as in the diagram:

A:  The stage of distinction (“I matter !”)                   
 In which an individual is secure in the knowledge of his self-respect, and proceeds unworried along his routed course

B: The stage of disillusion (“So what ? Everybody else matters, too !”)
In which certain circumstances come about to make the individual stop dead and wonder whether his routed course is the right course

C: The stage of distortion (“Some of them matter more !”)
In which the individual convinces himself that the routed course is the wrong course

D: The stage of disturbance   (“I matter least !”)
In which the individual finds this conviction beginning to affect his mental equilibrium, and feels the first stirrings of pity at the fact that, while all men are unequal, some men do appear to be more unequal than others

E: The stage of disembodiment (“I don’t matter at all !”)
In which the individual loses control of rational thought and begins to draw several conclusions – all of them wrong – from the circumstances surrounding his problem.

F: The stage of disintegration (“Why me ?”)
In which the individual begins to cave in on himself, since the ramparts of his self-respect have proved too ephemeral and flimsy to withstand the continuing assault of self-pity

G: The stage of dissociation (“Who am I ?”)
In which the individual, having comprehensively abandoned his own identity, begins to search for it all over again

H: The stage of dysfunction
In which the individual discovers the he who seeks, does not always find; and succumbs to the forces that contrive to drag him into the no-man’s land beyond the Line of Irreversibility.

6.      ENDNOTES

The metamorphosis explained above is not entirely irreversible. The presence of latent willpower, a supportive soulmate or a genuine, concerned friend have been found to be invaluable in bringing the discomposed mind back to the land of the living, even as late as Stage F.

Beyond F, however, the rot is usually found to have been set in too deep.

At Stage H, the volume of individualism immersed is metaphysically equal to the volume of self-respect displaced (and replaced by self-pity). The mind that once reposed squarely between the Lines of Superiority and Inferiority, now reposes equally squarely between the Lines of Inferiority and Irreversibility, with a possible final extension into the Kitchen Garden.

QED.

The gradual reduction in size of the rectangles depicted in the diagram denotes the notional shrinkage in the intrinsic value of the mind as it passes through the successive stages.

Let not the facetious tone of the Revisited Principle (in relation to its enunciation, that is ) bias the reader in favour of the viewpoint that what s/he is reading is fictional. There have been detractions from medical exactitude, but these in no way interfere with the validity of the concept.


[ Reproduced in original and unexpurgated form from “Brain Waves” by O.D.Nanus © 1987]

Salad # 16 : Still Life

Still Life (1984)

Starry night
quiet
as the flow of a teardrop
down the laughter lines
of an aged face
That is the way it was meant
to be
but no, not here.
A night
that would be silent
broken
by the anguished howl
of a whelp in exquisite
torment;
by the monotonous
clang
of the watchman's baton
making contact with the weathered 
steel
of a telegraph pole;
by the abrupt wail
of a sleeping
child
writhing in the agony
of some meaningless
nightmare;
by the strident chirp
of a cricket, and
the sated burp
of a horned toad.
The clamour deafens me
I cannot sleep 
I am too alive.

Salad # 15 : Dire Straits

Like everyone in my generation, I was very taken with the music of Dire Straits in the '80s.......one favourite was the song "Where do you think you're going ?". I used to sing it to myself very often, until one day, an entirely different set of lyrics formed themselves, so I decided to put it down on paper.

Dire Straits (1986)

Where do you think you're going
Don't you know it's dark outside
Do you know what you are doing
or are you taking yourself for a ride ?

Do you understand the changes
that time has wrought upon your soul ?
Do you see your friends are all strangers
because your relationships were never whole ?

You think there is no reason
why you shouldn't go on as you are
You say this is the season
to hitch your wagon to a star

Where do you think you're going ?
You're living in the past
Your decadence is showing
Your indifference is vast

You're fast approaching the time when
your mind will start to rot
Your field of vision willl be blue, then
and the water will be hot

Where do you think you're bound now ?
You're almost ripe to be put on the shelf
There's still time - turn around now
Come back - and look into yourself

Festiwitti # 3 : New Year ? Nothing new, yaar !

New Year ? Nothing New, Yaar !

Nothing new ? Is that so ? No, you're wrong. 2013 is a year that deserves special treatment.

Why, do you ask ?

Simply because, for a while there, the Mayans had us making like the Gauls, and believing that the sky might just possibly fall on our heads in 2012. And  that obviously didn’t happen, so it’s time to celebrate; to make 2013 a landmark year. By doing something (or possibly, many things) differently….or by doing different things.

To start with, let’s get the date right, huh ? Let’s not spend the first week of 2013 writing the date as xx/ 01/2012 and then saying “Oh, crap !” and scoring it out.

And then, take a look at which ones among this list of possibilities is yours to explore:



1.   Make a bucket list
The movie may have made this activity famous, but it’s been around for a while before that. You’ll be surprised how path-breaking and how liberating this activity can be. Sit down and make a list of the 10 (or 20, or 50) things you’d like to do, or the places you’d like to see, or the people you’d like to meet, before you kick the bucket. Make the list as extravagant as you like, taking care to ensure that each item on it is achievable , given the right focus. This will give a new fillip to your efforts, a new strength to the path you’re already taking.

2.  Tell your boss to go fly a kite 

Seriously. Once in a while, you need to have a little chat with him or her that isn’t linked to a performance appraisal. In all probability, there’s a lot you need to say. So flesh it out in your mind, and then just go say it. Check out how liberated you feel at the end of it.

3.    Explore your latent talent
Sure, you have talent – almost everyone does. It’s just that you simply haven’t tried looking at it, because you think your metier lies elsewhere. Step out of yourself for a bit and take a good look. Do you write ? Now’s the time to start a column, lots of people will want to know what you know. Do you like teaching ? The country needs you. Do you play a musical instrument ?  Upload a video on YouTube. DO something, don’t just let your talent lie there.

4.    Do something socially meaningful
Support a cause.  Financially “adopt” a child.  Donate to a charity. Join the “Teach India” initiative. Lend your skills to an NGO on an honorary basis. Do something that will make a difference. Merely because you wish to do it.  Merely because you can. And see how good it makes you feel.

5.   Rekindle the spark
Benjamin Disraeli once said that “it destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being”. All equations between people tend to get frayed with time, either because of inadequate nurturing or for any other reason. Likewise, it’s possible that your relationship with your partner has been taking a beating in the recent past.  Treat each point of discord, each misunderstanding, each argument as a log of wood – pile the lot together and set fire to it. Bask in the warmth and use it to rekindle the spark between you. It’s never too late, but it does need one person to take that step.

6.   Pamper yourself
Tired of doing things just because they’re expected of you ? Of slaving yourself half to death meeting people’s expectations, whether at work, at play, or at home ? It’s a part of life, believe me – we ALL do it. So keep it in suspended animation for a while. Focus on the things you would like to do to make YOU happy. An expensive spa treatment. A trip to London.  A Bose stereo system. A week of lying back in your armchair and going through a pile of twenty books. Think of the five things you’ve denied yourself for the past five years, and gift them all to yourself this year.

7.   Test your will
A bad habit hasn’t been born yet, that can’t be kicked. If you have one, try getting rid of it NOW. Not as a New Year Resolution (that will ensure that you never do it !), but just to show yourself that you can, and you always could, but just chose not to, all this time.

The list is endless. If you decide to try this out, make sure you share your experiences in the comment box below !

And in conclusion, here's a final thought....

Hello, dear readers and friends
Pause and reflect, as another year ends
Whether you've done all you said you would
Whether everything that's happened has been good
Whether the stumbling blocks have given you food
for thought;
and if not,
whether in fact they should !

In 2013, it does behoove
all of us to greatly improve
on our resolutions of the previous year;
on the time we spend with near and dear;
on our efforts towards a good career;
and on the route that we must follow
to reach the end of the rainbow.

In the mad rush to achieve our ends
We'd do well to remember, friends,
that - although it's always great to gain
nothing's greater than being humane !

All the very best to you, readers – here’s hoping your 2013 scintillates !! Happy New Year !

Salad # 14 : Camouflage

Camouflage (1984)

Characters
in a masquerade
Cowards
who hide behind masks
fashioned at
home
Facades
of blank indifference
harbouring appalling
complexities
Insecurity
Inadequacy
Inconfidence
Such things cannot be
revealed
since jeering laughter
is unpleasant to the
ear
No one bothers -
would you ?
Like a rusted guard-rail
that few care to
electroplate
these people slap on
another
coat of paint
and go about looking
bright
and new
and false
until it wears off

Salad # 13 : Poetry Redefined

In the ‘80’s, I wrote volumes of prose and verse on what I thought poetry was ! I put one in “ Candid Camera “ (Salad #1); here’s another sample…..

Message in a Bottle (1985)

Emotions
brewed by events uncertain
fermented by time
distilled in the depths of the soul
bottled within the heart
cased in a recess of the mind
displayed in the midnight of the eyes
sold to a senseless consumer……

That is poetry.

Raison D’etre (1986)

The urge to express….
The urge to depress….
The urge to impress ?

 Poetry – the urge
              - the surge
              - the purge
              - the dirge  

WanderLust # 1 : Susegad

WanderLust

I was inspired by a friend to add on a new section this month - a travel blog. Why not, I thought to myself - even if I don't travel much, and even if I don't have holidays exciting enough to write about. At least I have something to say - and I insist on saying it, and can only recommend Voltaire's advice to you: that you may not agree with what I have to say, but you could consider defending to the death my right to say it !!

Chapter 1 : Susegad

A "private" beach

To tell it in Wikipedia's words:  "Susegad" is a concept often associated with the Indian state of Goa. Derived from the Portuguese word socegado ("Quiet"), it is normally mistaken for the relaxed, laid-back attitude towards life that is said to have existed historically in Goa, a former Portuguese territory. What Susegad actually means, according to most experts is a contented form of life existent in the state. Goa is described by a Sunday Times writer as "South Asia’s Latin Quarter: indulgent, tolerant, capricious, steeped in a tropical lassitude and wedded to the sea." The concept may also carry negative connotations such as "indolence" and in recent years it has been suggested that the relaxed Goan culture of Susegad has given way in the face of modern stresses.

Well, not everyone can tell it like Wikipedia. Goa, an hour away by air from Mumbai, is, not unlike Mauritius, a land of lavish hotel properties, wide open spaces, beaches of all shapes and sizes, and hordes of tourists.

I don't know much about the backpacker's Goa; I know even less about the fishing-village-visiting-resident Goa. But I DO know about the corporate Goa, and the hedonistic visitor's Goa. So.....here are a few do's and don'ts - not necessarily written in the traditional way.

Church of St. Francis of Assisi

1. Assuming you're travelling from Mumbai - please, please don't try driving there. The roads are crap, the traffic is horrific, and you might like to look at topping up your life insurance and updating your will before you leave.
   
2. If you're the wallow-in-the-sand variety, remember that there really is no such thing as an exclusive beach. The five- and seven- star properties do try and invisibly ring-fence their bits of sand, but it's not really allowed.
   
3. Unless you want to be wrung out to dry, do not hire a car / SUV through the hotel at which you're staying. Bargain with the taxi guys just outside, but make sure you keep the hotel informed.
   
4. The much-hyped Goa River Cruises still aren't expensive, but the VFM ("value for money") coefficient has taken a terrific beating in recent times. You can skip this one.
   
5. Britto's at Baga Beach still serves up a mean set of dishes - if you don't mind eating with your feet on sand, in a  non-air-conditioned environment.
   
6. To feel like a millionaire, stay at the Park Hyatt; to try and become a millionaire, stay at the Cidade de Goa (they have a casino); if you can't decide what you are but still like to live high off the hog, stay at the Fort Aguada; and if you're confused, there's the Kenilworth, the Marriott, the Renaissance, and any number of other fancy properties to choose from.
   
7. You're welcome to try the watersports, but not if you're squeamish. There was this father of a teenaged daughter who sprinted back from the water to the hotel, yelling, "that guy sexually touched my daughter on the jet-scooter !" The purveyors of Goan water merchandise are all male, and some of them may be lusty. Keep your hair (if you're male), and your chastity belt (if you're female), on.
   
8. There are beaches everywhere. Naturally, they all have sand, in varying degrees. They also have rocks, vendors, flea markets, con men, Russians, drugs, watersports, insalubrious elements and fishing boats. Define what you want from your beach, and visit only those that will give you the necessary levels of nirvana.
   
9. Do see the churches - some of them are outstanding. They're everywhere, and many of them are World Heritage Sites.
   
10. Finally - Goa is a place to relax. Try not to do too much. It's a lotus-eater's paradise. That's what "susegad" is about.
    

I'm not an authority on the place. For those who are Goaphiles, my apologies if I have inadvertently offended you - you're welcome to add your contribution.